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Jeffizzle tha Kizzler
OMNIUS MORON STILL AT LARGE After weeks of unexplained ass-rapings, and murdizzles, the ominous infamous rapist/murderer is still on the rise fo' no fuckin reason. After little evidencizzle has been found, a young boyizzle states that he survived one of dat bitch's attacks and bravely tells his fuckin' own damn fairy-tale dat aint no make no shitty sense. "I had a fuckin' shitty dreammizzle and I woke up in tha middle of the black as-fuck night," says tha boy, "I saw that for some fuckin' reason the window was open, even though I remember it being fuckin' shut before I went to bed. Some fuckin' shitdouche must've done dat. Y'all KNOW dat shit mothafuckaz. I didn't give a shit, so I got up and shut it the fuck once more. Afterwards, I simply crawled under my coverrizzles and tried to get back to fuckin' sleepizzle. That's when I had a wierd as fuck feeling, like someone was like trying ta' fuck meh or somethin'. I looked up, and nearly jumped out of my funky-ass bed. There, in the little ray of some fuckin' light, illuminating from between my fuckin' shitty ass curtains, were a pair of 2 smexy eyes. These weren't regular fuckin' eyes; they were dark as shit, ominnizzle eyes. They were bordered in fuckin' black and... just plain out fuckin' bastardizzed me. That's when I saw his shit filled mouth. It looked like it was stuffed with a penis, but more smaller. A long, horrendous rape torture face that made every hair on my body stand up like a fuckin boner. The figure just fuckin' standed there, watching me and not doing shit. Finally, after what seemed like forever AND EVER, he said it. A simple phrasizzle, but said in a way only a drunk ghetto person who just took a shit could speak. "GO TO SLEEPIZZLE. BITCHIZZLE." Then that bum came at me, but i kicked that fool right in the ballz. Then mah fuckin' ghetto dad came in and punched him right out tha windowz. He ran off like the coward he is before the police could pop a cap in his ass. I will never forget that rape torture face that he gives me. I stil shit myself every time i think bout it. Tha authorities wouldn't probably arrive if tha kid didn't go into tha clean neighbourhood. "I was so fuckin' frightened, I didn't know how to shit fo' a week if I should be afraid that the little ghetto kid running into our fuckin' neighborhood, or tha man chasing him. So I called tha fuckin' police" said John McBoogly. "Both of them like fuckin' ran towards an empty alleyway, where there was no-fuckin'-one there. I told tha copz this, then they came and arrested that little ghetto boy." Tha Policizzle are still on the look for this wuss. If you see anyone that fits tha fuckin' description in this story, please contact yo' fuckin' local police department. Jeffizzle and his family had just moved into a new neighborhood and shit. His dad had gotten a promotionizzle at workkizzle, the place were you'll never make damn fuckin' shitty money, and they thought it would be best to live in one of those "fancy" neighborhoods. Jeff and his brother Liu couldn't complain though. A new, better house. Tha fuck not to love? As they were getting unpacked, one of their neighbors came by. "Hello," she said, "Hi Biatch i iz Barbara Maggot. Dese are mah 2 sunz Jeffizzle and Liuizzle." She turns around and calls her son over. "Billy you bitch, these are our new cock sucking neighbors." Billy said Fuck you and ran back to play in his yard. Suddenly Jeffizzle's mama wuz liek "Yo' Jeffizzle will like, come to ur sunz birthday, k?" The neighbour said k. "Mom, why da fak did u invite us do sum bastard's birthday? If you haven't noticed, I'm not a fuckin' mentally retarded kid." Jeff's mum said fuck u. You iz gonna go. And Jeff said k. The next day and all that, Jeff walked down stairs to get some crappy breakfast. He had Pancactus with a side of ghetto goose toast. After that, he got ready for schoolz. As he sat there, eating his breakfast, he once again shitted his pants. This time it was a stronger more gross type of shit. It gave him a slight tugging pain, but he once again dismissed it for no fuckin goddamn reason. As he and Liu finished breakfast, they walked down to the bus stop. They sat there waiting for the bus, and then, all of a sudden, some kid on a skateboard jumped over them, only inches above their laps. They both jumped back in surprise. "Hey, what the fuckin hell were ya doin shit ass cunt?" The kid landed and turned back to them. He kicked his skate board up and caught it with his hands. The kid seems to be about twelve; one year younger than Jeffizzle. He wears a Minecrizzle shirt and ripped blue jeanizzles. "Well, well, well. It looks like we got some new cows to milk!" Suddenly, two other kids appeared. One was super skinny and the other was fat, like my anusizzle! "Well, since you're new here, I'd like to introduce ourselves, ya fucking douchebag. Over there is Keith." Jeff and Liu looked over to the skinny kid. He had a dopey face that you would expect a sidekick to have. "And he's Cartman." They looked over at the fat kid. Talk about a tub of lardy tardy tar tar shit. This kid looked like he hadn't exercised since he was crawlizzling. "I iz randy", said randy the fuck. "Now the kidz up in this bitch gotta pay a buz fine if you catch my drift," randy the asshole said. Liu got ready to punch the kid in the balz, but the kidz pulled a stolen plastic spoon on his ass. "Fuck you. Now I have to take money from your ass." randy the fart said. randy walked up to Liu and stuck his hand in his asshole to get the money, cause he's too fuckin stupid to check his pocketz. Jeff then got that strong burnin feelin on his cock, adn stood up. Liu was liek "no Jefff, don't do it" but Jeff was liek "fack you douchebag." "N wat would u do fggt" as de end of dat lame ass sentance. Den Jeff fuked up dat pussi boiiii, he did watever he culd do to dat fukin cuntbag. he punched, kiked, n broke evry bone in dat cunts body. Den dey skipped skool becuz dey were #2kool4skool. Den laetr on, da pozizzle caem 2 Jeff n Liu door, den da motha fukin closed da door on deir fukin copizzle asses. but dey caem bustin in without dat warrant, n sed jeff don wrung. "Jeff, u punk ass bitch, get ur ass here." sed da mom. "Dese dum fuks who do der jobz fukin wrong sed u hurt some punk ass bich." Jeff den sed "yea mom, becuz dat kid pulled a fukin spoon on mah fukin ass!" Den mom sed "AW SHIT, DAT SHIT GOT REEL. NOW GTFO COPZ!" Den da copz left 2 do a shitty job, n arrest some1 in da neighbahood who don no shit wrong. "Bitch, call down yo' brother." Jeff couldn't fuckin' do it, since it was him who fucked up all the kids. "Sir, it...it was MEEE!!!!!11. I was the one who fucked up the kids. Liu tried to fuck me back, but he couldn't stop me." The cop looked at his partner and they both nod. "Well kid, Yo fucked up..." "Wait just a cock sucking minute!" says Liu. They all looked up to see him holding a knife. The officers pulled their fuckin' guns and locked them on Liu. "It was me, I beat up those little punks. Have the smexy marks to prove it." He lifted up his panties to reveal cuts and bruises, as if he was in a struggle. "No Liu, it was me! I did it!" Jeff had bloody tears running down his smexy face. "Jeff please, you don't have to fucking lie. We know it's Liu, you can stop." Jeff watched fuckin' helplessly as the coppizzle's carrizzle speeds off with Liu inside. Later he triedizzle to forget about tha fuckin' thing bt having incest with his cousin. The next morning jeffz moma was all like Yo jeff go to billiez partey bitch. then they went and looked like Fuck-Buddies. "The kids are out in the yard. Jeff, how about you go and meet some of them?" said Barbara. "FUCK NO" said Jeffizzle. "IF YOU DON'T YOUR GROUNDED FOR 70196324592386459783614569074651398675 YERZ!" "K I WILL JEESH" Jeffizzle walked outside to a yard full of kids. They were running around in weird cowboy costumes and shooting each other with plastic guns. He might as well be standing in a Toys R Us. Suddenly a kid came up to him and handed him a toy gun and hat. "Hey. Wanna pwawawawawaaaaaaee?" he said. "Ah, no kid. I'm way too old for this shit." The kid looked at him with that weird puppydoggywoggy face. "Pwease? PweasePweasePweasePweasePweasePweasePweasePweasePWEEEEEEEEEEASE?" said the kid. "Fine, goddammit!" said Jeffizzle. He put on the hat and started to pretend shoot at the fucking kids. At first he thought it was totally gay, but then he started to actually have fun. It might not have been super cool, but it was the first time he had done something that took his mind off of Liuizzle. So he played with the kids for a while, until he heard a noise. A weird rolling noise. Then it hit him. Randizzle, Cartmaizzle, and Keithizzle all jumped over the fence on their skateboards and shit. Jeffizzle dropped the fake gunny-wunny-crappy-fuck and ripped off the hat. Randizzle looked at Jeffizzle with a burning hatred. like shit "Hey Jeff, you piece of shit," randy the dildo said. "We have some unfinished sex to do." Jeff looked at his broken ass nose and started laughing like a stupid fuck. "lol, i beat your ass, and now im gotta beat ya up for sending my brother to hell" jeff squealed. Then randy the asscock was like, "Oh heeeeeelllllllllll no," and grabed jeff's cock and tried to eat it. Jeff kicked that fool rite in the balls. Jeff wuz about to kill that ass, but cartman and keith pulled super soakers out and were like, don't get any closer or we bust a cap in yo ass. Because all the parents were stupid asses, they shit their pants and didn't help. Den Cartman came out of nowhere, n started kikin jeff in da balls. but den he risen up, n den he kiked Cartman in da balls. But, Cartman was unnefected cuz dat bastard gotz a secks chenge, n nao dued lukz liek a laedy. Den Jeff ran lyk a puzzy bak hoem. Hiz motha waz lyk "JEFF, WERE DA FUK U BEEN" den he sed "I WAZ FUKIN UR MOTHA, MOM" Den Jeff ran up 2 hiz rum n hiz mom screemed "FUCK U, U SPECKY BOILED NECROPHILIAC, UR GRANMA IZ FUKIN DED!" Liu cam up n sed "Jeff, u K?" n Jeff sed "neva been betta, LEEDLE LEEDLE LEEDLE LEE!" den hiz dedbeat motha took dat fool 2 da doctors, den da docta denied him, due 2 da fakt dat he lived in da ghetto. So dey went 2 a vetrenarian. "Has he always acted this way" sed da vet. "No, cuz we lok him up in hiz ruum" "K" "Honey, are you okay?" she asked. Jeff couldn't answer though, his face was covered, and he was unable to speak. "Oh honey, I have great news. After all the witnesses told the police that Randy confessed of trying to attack you, they decided to let Liu go." This made Jeff almost bolt up, stopping halfway, remembering the tube coming out of his arm. "He'll be out by tomorrow, and then you two will be able to be together again." Jeff's mother hugs Jeff and says her goodbyes. The next couple of weeks were those where Jeff was visited by his family. Then came the day where his bandages were to be removed. His family were all there to see it, what he would look like. As the doctors unwrapped the bandages from Jeff's face everyone was on the edge of their seats. They waited until the last bandage holding the cover over his face was almost removed. "Let's hope for the best," said the doctor. He quickly pulls the cloth; letting the rest fall from Jeff's face. Jeff's mother screams at the sight of his face. Liuizzle and Jeffizzle's dad stare awe-struck at his shitty cock suckin' face. "What? What happened to my fuckin' face? TELL ME BITCH!!!" Jeffizzle said. He rushed out of bed and ran to the bathroom. He looked in the mirror and saw the cause of the fuckin' distress. His face. It...it's fucking horrible. His lips were burnt to a shitty shade of fuckin' red. His face was turned into a pure fuckin' white color, and his hair singed from brown to bitchin' black. He slowly put his hand to his dick and started rubbing. He had become sexually attracted to is face. He looked back at his family then back at the mirror. And came. "Jeffizzle," said Liu, "It's not that fuckin' bad.... IT'S FUCKIN' HORRIBLE" "Fucking horrible?" said Jeffizzle," It's perfect!" His family were equally surprised. Jeffizzle started fapping uncontrollably. His parents noticed that his left eye and hand were twitching. "Uh... Jeffizzle, are you okay?" "Okay? I've never felt more happy! I'm having a HUGE ORGASIM MOM!!! A FUCKING ORGASIM!!!1!!!111. "Doctor," said Jeffizzle's mom, "Is my son... alright, ya' know. In tha dick?" That Doctor replied with "Of course he is yo' dumb biatch. But if he aint no right in da dick within 2 weeks bring dat wussy here imediantly. BIATCH!!!11". Tha mom replaid with "K". His fuckin' mom then said "Jeffizzle, yo' bitch. It's time to fuckin' go." Jeffizzle looks away from the mirror, his face still formed into a crazy smile. "Kay mommy, ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaa!" his mother took him by the shoulder and took him to get his clothes. After Jeff got his clothes, which were now covered in jizz n' shit, his momma took him to their shitty ass house, not knowing that there were going to get ass fucked. His mom woke up that night and found a trail of shit leading to the bathroom. She went in and found out that jeff had blown open his asshole and made himself a smile with shit. Jeff's mom was like "GOD DAMN IT JEFF, WE PAID 30 MILLION DOLLARS TO FIX YOU AND YOU DO THIS? FUCK YOU!" Then Jeff said "Fuck you mom, all you ever did was pay child support ta' meh, now your dead." Then Jeffizzle fucked dat bitch up like a mothafuka. Gutting tha fishes n' shit. Then Liuizzle woke up, then tha transvestite said "WHAT THA FUCK IS THIS SHIT!" then he went back to sleep. Dats how Jeffizzle tha Kizzler wuz born... Biatch! Category:Jeff the Killer Category:Satire Category:Originally on Trollpasta Wiki